» Joke

[mr ben]

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking
her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and, before long,
Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard
heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep sh*t now!"
Noticing some old bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on them with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly;
"Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of
terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a
nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for
protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees
him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that
something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and
strikes a deal for himself. The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says,
"Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that
coniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard bounding along with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?"

But, instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says:




"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me
another leopard!"

[Mong]

haha owned.

[mr ben]

8 simple rules of life:

1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling
water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.


2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.


3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.


4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.


5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.


6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.


7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't
move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use
the duct tape.


8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.



Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

[mr ben]

Subject: Warning!



Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer."

The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.